Introduction

The purpose of this blog is twofold: First, it is supposed to keep me accountable for what I'm doing in order to get rid of this crazy amount of weight I gained from being pregnant and being a new mom.  Second, it is supposed to keep me from going nuts. I always feel like I have something I would like to say about what I'm doing and/or how I'm feeling, but I never really do it. So this is it.  I feel like there should be some background information about me from a weight loss perspective first.

First off, I was never skinny.  There is not a time in my life when I don't remember weight being somewhat of an issue.  In elementary school, I was the smart, quiet, fat kid that was always picked last for anything even remotely athletic. I clearly remember one time in about first grade my class was picking teams for kickball. I was the last one, and the captain of the team that I was going to be on actually looked at me and groaned.  So, I got this idea from experiences like that and from teasing and name-calling that I was just fat, that is not good, and it would never change.  This continued in high school.  Not as much with the teasing, name-calling, and bullying, but the idea that I was bigger than everyone else, that being bigger was bad, and that I wasn't going to change was further cemented.  In high school I did begin to think that it would be possible to change.  Of course, being in high school my solution involved things like Slim Fast, which never worked.

I had a goal to lose weight in college.  However, the first two years I was pretty miserable. I had a horrible roommate, I questioned my choice of schools, I severely questioned my choice of majors, and I was just plain homesick.  Being so miserable led to...you guessed it....overeating galore! Packed on a ton of weight in the first two years.  Here is what I looked like at the end of my sophomore year of college:

At a Mardi Gras party, hence the crazy outfit...but seriously look at the chins!

 

 

 

 

 

By the end of my sophomore year I did start feeling quite a bit better about my choice of school and was considerably less homesick. I even worked at the college over the summer, which made all the difference in the world as far as my connection with the school was concerned.  Moving on...In the summer of 2007 I started Weight Watchers.  It was fantastic. I lost weight right away, made some significant lifestyle changes over an approximately two year period, and lost over 60 pounds.  My entire outlook on life changed. For the first time, I like clothes shopping. I actually felt confident about myself. Things were really looking up.  Here is what I looked like shortly after my college graduation:

Side note...this was at an outdoor Coldplay concert. In my top ten list of life experiences.

I moved to my dream city and started graduate school in the summer of 2009. Like I said, I was on top of the world at that point in time. I was the thinnest I had ever been, I was working out every day, I felt generally healthy and optimistic, I was proud of having graduated college and being in graduate school, I lived where I always wanted to live, and I had a boyfriend who I was completely crazy about.  So, I was in grad school, everything was going well, and my relationship with my boyfriend got stronger and stronger. Still really happy...

My second year of grad school was far less happy. I couldn't afford to take summer classes, so I overscheduled myself at the time I was also completing my required internship experience--basically an unpaid part time job added to my paid part time job plus 3 extra classes when I was only supposed to be taking two. Stress galore. There were some family issues, I was unhappy with my internship experience, and then in November of 2010 the best thing that has ever happened to me occurred: I got pregnant.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about pregnancy because this is long enough already and it's really not the point of this blog. However, there are some important things to know about it:
* I intended on having a healthy pregnancy and I did. I was very careful about what I ate and rarely indulged crazy unhealthy cravings until the very end...then the healthy eating aspect kind of flew out the window.
* I quit exercising because I was afraid from some spotting I had at the beginning. The doctor assured me this was not a problem multiple times and encouraged getting exercise, but other than doing alot of walking just going about my daily activities at the time, I didn't get much exercise. I sincerely regret this and I will obviously do things differently in any subsequent pregnancies.
* Despite any efforts to watch what I was eating, I still gained about 40 pounds during my pregnancy. I swear most of it came in the last couple months once I was out of school and had more freetime to eat bad things, but I digress.
I had a doctor's appointment the day before my son was born. At that appointment I weighed a whopping 215 pounds.  That's nearly what I weighed when I started Weight Watchers back in 2007. It was then that I realized getting my prebaby body back was going to be tough. However, I was fully confident that I would be able to lose weight relatively painlessly since I had done it before.  Here's what I looked like at the end of my pregnancy:

When I say the end I mean the end...this was 4 hours before my son was born.

I have to say, other than the number on the scale I didn't feel too bad about my body at the end of pregnancy. I wouldn't say I felt attractive, but I didn't feel bad.  I lost 25 pounds in the first 4 days after my son was born. However, nearly 9 of that was him, then there was the placenta...I lost 15 pounds right away and then 10 pounds in the following 3ish days--I was breastfeeding (not very well, though) and really not eating very much--not to lose weight, but because eating at all made me sick the first 2 days after his birth, and once I was home I just didn't want to/didn't have time to eat. Again, I would not recommend this and will do things differently next time.

Making a long story short, breastfeeding didn't work for me. When my son was a week old I switched to formula.  I know this sounds bad, but I was depending on breastfeeding to help me lose baby weight. This had been my plan all along--obviously along with healthy eating and eventually exercise, but I was excited about the boost in weight loss most people get from breastfeeding.  Formula feeding was definitely a good decision, it was what needed to be done because son was not getting enough to eat and I was losing my mind. I sincerely wish I could have breastfed not just for my own benefits but for the benefits for my son, and again I think the next time I'll actually try things like pumping and nipple shields, but I'm happy to have a very healthy, very happy little boy right now regardless of how I fed him...Bottom line: Baby weight weightloss just stopped after that initial 25 pounds and I've been stuck at the same weight for 6 months.  Not okay.

In November, I rejoined Weight Watchers. I expected it would go just as well as it did the first time, if not better because I already knew what to expect.  Not true.  It's not working at all this time.  The first time, I actually had the opportunity to track food right away, to plan things, to spend hours perusing recipes and articles on the Weight Watchers website. Things are different now. I don't sit in front of a computer all day so tracking is all at one time, if it occurs at all.  I'm surprisingly not as motivated with it this time. Haven't quite figured that out yet...I'm really unhappy with my appearance yet still unmotivated with Weight Watchers.  Also, I'm going to be honest here. I don't really like the "new" Weight Watchers.  I feel like it discourages healthy balanced eating by still focusing mainly on grams of fat versus overall nutritional value.  This, of course, is the exact opposite of what the website says.  Regardless, I feel that some healthy foods (such as skim milk) have overly high points values, thereby discouraging people from eating them like they should.  I also don't like the focus on Jennifer Hudson.  It's great that she did so well, but I don't care what recipes were her favorite or what her strategies were.  This is about my life, not hers.  Okay, rant over. Regardless, for whatever reason Weight Watchers is not working as well this time. Frankly, it's not working at all. I don't see this getting any better. I need a bigger change.  I ordered the Eat to Live book today. I have heard it is a fantastic program.  I like the focus on a vegetable-based diet incorporating whole foods.  I can't wait to read the book and start the program. In the meantime, I have some things I need to address. Those will be the subjects of upcoming posts.